We did a good deed, you see. When our new neighbor came to the door of our new house and explained that he would be out of town for a couple of days and needed our help, of course we obliged.

You see, he's expecting a computer to be delivered by UPS sometime soon, and he asks us to receive it and keep it in our house until he's back. Easy enough.

So he puts a sign on his door explaining that his deliveries are to be delivered here, at our house.

Yesterday, two packages arrive and neither are a computer. So we start a pile.

Today, UPS is at the door with a big ass box from DELL. The computer! But no, it's only the monitor, which I bring inside. The second box is far, far larger--THE COMPUTER--and the UPS man who can clearly see that it says DELL Computers all over it slams it down on our porch, then kicks it a few inches forward with his shoe. Having already signed before he went back to get that second package, he runs back to the truck and is immediately gone.

This big DELL computer box, it's wide fucking open. The tape split all the way down and all four flaps just flappin' in the breeze. This tape that split, it's blue and just so happens to be special Dell "Quality Assurance" tape.

Now, now it looks like we opened our neighbors big expensive computer while he was away. How fucking stupid is that? How shady we'll look when he returns! "No, no, it was like that! Your computer was precisely opened when it arrived!" Ugh.

We called UPS and asked if they could note that the package was open upon delivery but they said that they can only file something if the merchandise is damaged. Don't they understand? We don't care if the computer is damaged! We only care that we don't look like snooping douchebags!